and this pattern shows up in business:

in branding.
in marketing.
in how companies communicate.

sure, it may seem right. look right. perform well.

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but you can feel something is…off. and you feel it in the way your jaw clenches when you read something. or your body tightens when you feel someone pretend.

the illusion sustains itself because people optimize for the surface (not what is sustainable underneath).

everyone is optimizing to “add value.” but value is now indistinguishable from performance.

this awakening was a gradual process of:

unlearning things I was so sure were true
not masking anymore, and
feeling the world stop making sense viscerally in my body

after reading the book Not in His Image a few years ago, things started to click in my body. but only after my mind tried to understand it first. (I write about this tension in the physics of feeling).

and once it landed, I could feel how the fabric of reality was built on falsity…it’s
a kind of reality that merely mimics truth.

and once you start to feel the “performance” in your body, you can’t go back to the old way of relating and connecting. it’s a sensation that you can no longer override. it’s like something reaching into your nervous system before your mind catches up.

and then you start to see it everywhere; you can feel reactions being engineered. you can see people respond only the way they’re programmed.

many don’t even realize how much of our reactions are patterned.

I can’t see “news” anymore. all I see is psychological operations. I can feel the framing of the before I understand the story: how it sets up tension, introduces opposition,
and quietly leads you to a conclusion.

that’s why news gets attention:

attention responds to performance.
but behavior responds to truth.

i can feel the performance of how I’m “supposed” to react to everything, and it feels like I’m acting in The Truman Show and the audience is waiting for my reaction.

it even happens with good news: a story about humanity designed to restore faith; I feel into the performative empathy of it all. I can feel the puppet strings of conformity, in how the story feels fabricated. curated. like the emotion is decided for me, and all I need to do is act it out.

it’s not insincerity; it’s awareness itself.
and I choose to not partake in performance.

when you’re anchored in your own knowing (gnosis), you no longer see the play; you see the puppets on strings.

there’s a quiet power here, of knowing yourself: I know what I require, not expect.

I align with nothing, things align with me.
and I only trust what’s true within myself.

this level of awareness gets lonely real quick.

I stopped fitting in. I let go of friendships where connection was conditional…where my presence was curated.

I stopped conversing with people who could only relate through edited versions of themselves instead of something real.

I stopped playing along. and it got quiet. clear. like the quiet hum of a refrigerator stopped.

reality crystallizes here…

when I feel the sun on my skin, warm and immediate, like it’s immersing itself into me.

when I feel the softness of my pup, grounding; she doesn’t need anything from me. no performance. just presence. coherence.

I feel an intimacy in this aliveness…not with another person but with Reality Itself:

like a pulse underneath everything
that doesn’t perform…it exists.

this is eros: truth before language touches it.

an inner knowing…not “belief.”
not something you’re taught.

something you remember.

it doesn’t argue.
it doesn’t try to convince.
and it most definitely doesn’t need consensus.

it just…knows.

and once you start trusting the silence underneath the hum, you can’t go back to the noise. you can’t unsee the surface layer of reality.

in this awareness, there’s no self abandonment.

it’s direct. spacious. it’s not perfect.
but you’re living inside something real.

and maybe that’s the point:

not fixing the world.
not waking everyone up.

just living inside eros…living inside out.

even when it costs you everything.
especially then.

and maybe this is why the work I’m drawn to now
isn’t always about creating “better” narratives…

it’s more about removing what’s false
and distilling truth
so something real can actually land.

this is the lens i bring to my work.

time has always been strange for me. not in a “time is running out way.” it’s the opposite.

I feel time as eternal and immediate, like I’m experiencing both eternity and the blink of an eye simultaneously. I feel infinity pressing onto my skin, like I’m inside time. and time is also inside of me.

but I realize that most people don’t feel like this.

I first felt this shift in December 2012 and then again in 2020, where reality lost coherence; since then time has felt off.

the best way to explain it is it feels like walking into a room and the furniture has been slightly moved. and you’re the only one who notices because it’s extremely subtle.

everything is technically the same but it feels different.

relational distortion

people are waking up to reality in different waves:

1. Wave 1 people move inside structured time. calendars. predictable loops. 9-5 work schedules. roles and rules. these are the people who typically work in government. police. academia. institutions. time is trackable, measured.

2. Wave 2 loosens from the structure; they are the entrepreneurs and creatives. spiritual seekers. they bend time but still reference it.

3. Wave 3 stops organizing reality around time entirely, time is something you feel this changes how you relate to other people; you’re alive to what’s happening in the moment. it’s living from the inside out.

   most friction today is misalignment (not miscommunication).

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   reality feels off because we’re existing in different versions of time:

   wave 1 exists within transactions
   wave 2 exists within leverage
   wave 3 exists within frequency

system distortion

most of humanity doesn’t see this layer of reality because it’s the system itself.

our Gregorian calendar and work schedules were built for a different time, pre-Internet; clock in and clock out. this worked during the Industrial Revolution. but we no longer live in this world.

yet people still operate like they work in a factory, where our humanity gets compressed into something that’s stored and tracked and measured.

so now, I don’t just see people…I see what system they exist in, and what their system allows them to perceive.

and I don’t try to change it.
I just don’t reorganize myself to make it makes sense.

but some days it’s fun to watch the furniture get rearranged.

🌺 if this piece moved something in you…a soft yes, please drop it in the comments, subscribe/pass on…

☕ or buymeacoffee.

🖤 or just let Time and thoughts rearrange inside of you.

the demiurge is a lesser intelligence that doesn’t enlighten humans
but keeps them focused on superficial things like:

appearance.
status.
power.

reality is based on perception made up of symbols and stories that get repeated until they harden into reality.

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“culture” has hierarchies that reward you with illusion. and it keeps the Earth (the demiurge) spinning.

what rewards us shapes what we’re able to see.

I know how illusions are shaped because I lived inside the machine.
I see it today with the incentives behind what’s “truth.”

the patterns and strategies that rule the world are now exposed.
and right now there’s a gap between what’s happening and how it’s being interpreted.

most people respond to that gap in one of two ways:

they dismiss it.
or they get overwhelmed by it.

i don’t do either; there’s a weight to noticing.
but this isn’t about outrage; it’s about discernment.

the gnostics called this gnosis: direct knowing. I explore this topic as Emergent Spirituality with Tim Freke on episode 50 of my podcast (link to YouTube here).

and this is what’s missing in business.

because as AI commoditizes execution and content is ubiquitous,
perception is no longer a “nice to have.”

you have to shape it; it’s your business advantage.

if you’re still within the machine, you’re behind because you’re:

optimizing for visibility
reacting to trends
chasing attention

but the ones that are actually growing in business are defining the perception of the market…and communicating that clearly.

I’ve seen firsthand how shifting perception changes outcomes in:

who shows up.
what converts.
what compounds.

so I invite you to ask yourself:

what are you unconsciously worshipping?
and is this something you truly believe in?

this is the work i do with founders navigating growth, identity, and positioning in unpredictable markets.

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this is very different than how I was trained in journalism and in my Master’s program at Johns Hopkins, when writing meant citing research with the intellect.

and yes, there is value in that.

but when you live inside the phenomena you’re researching and reporting on, it becomes nearly impossible to see the environment you’re swimming in.

The Fishbowl

this famous parable comes from David Foster Wallace:

water is invisible to the fish because it’s everywhere.

and the most obvious realities are the ones hardest to talk about.

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sensemaking is jumping out of the fish bowl and asking:

what are we swimming in?
what is water?

Sensemaking

most journalism focuses on events and facts. and most journalists genuinely believe they’re doing a good job of reporting.

but not many people examine the environment facts live inside.

knowledge teaches you how systems work.
but true wisdom teaches you how to live inside the systems without losing your soul.

when you zoom out, you can apply sense making to your reality.

sensemaking asks deeper questions like:

• what assumptions shape this story?

• what incentives shape the narrative?

• what truths are missing entirely?

sensemaking teaches you to stop seeing truth only one way.
and start seeing its endless angles:

can you actually see the water while you’re still swimming in it?

leaving the system

many of the people inside systems (like schools and companies) don’t notice because they’re swimming in the water. they’re following orders.

sure, you may get a diploma.
you may make money.
but your life force eventually disappears.

writing for the intellect made sense in the industrial age. and it made sense in traditional media that valued structured analysis and one acceptable version of truth.

but AI can produce that instantly now.

we no longer need to write for the intellect.
we need to write what’s real.

this often requires unlearning everything we’ve been taught:

the mechanical writing.
outsourcing our intuition.
placing the intellect above all else.

it requires feeling alive.
swimming through our own internal oceans of:
curiosity, depth, and meaning.

seeing the water.

seeing the water matters.

because once the tides shift and the old narratives dissolve, we become a school of fish with a new responsibility:

to shape the next story.

and so the real question isn’t “who is right”?

it’s: can you see the water?

and that story begins the moment you learn to see the fishbowl.

🫧 if this piece moved something in you…a pulsation or a deeper knowing or the courage to see beyond the fishbowl…please drop it in the comments, subscribe/pass on…or buymeacoffee.

💌 or just keep it tucked away like a secret love note.

🧿 curious about narrative sensemaking for your company?
work with me.

i went down that rabbit hole in 2012. and it destroyed me.

after spending the early part of my career working in media and politics in Washington, DC, I left. and it was only after removing myself from the bubble, I could see how much evil I was surrounded by.

part of me couldn’t believe it. part of me knew it was real because I witnessed it with my own eyes.

I worked with some of the most powerful people in media and politics. I saw how narratives are shaped. I saw how proximity to power changes people.

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and I didn’t just “wake up.” I walked away.

I left it all behind.

and for awhile, people thought I lost it. there were so few people who could see through the veils at this time.

but that’s when I committed to the spiritual path.

and then i made a choice:

it became my dharma to bring beauty into the world. to spread joy. to expand consciousness through creativity.

for some people, exposing darkness is their purpose. and for a time, it was mine too (especially around 2019). I felt called to name what was coming ahead in 2020.

but i don’t want to live in fear frequency.

i don’t want to build my nervous system around evil. because we build worlds with words.

I tried to expose darkness from within the system. but I legit couldn’t. not because i didn’t have courage. but because the system rewards compliance.

proximity to power doesn’t always mean influence.
it more often means compromising your integrity.

so i chose to CREATE instead.

“the secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new" - Socrates

that’s why i work with founders who are building meaningful companies.
that’s why I use narratives to build worlds.

that’s why my photos are full of joy and love.
this is deliberate.

not because i’m ignorant or in denial.

but because I’m choosing frequency.

I’m choosing LIGHT.

before you go, please…

💖 heart if this resonated.

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I found myself frustrated at the book at the age of five. I wanted to hand the bird a mirror and say, “look you’re a bird!” a dog can’t be your mom. a cat can’t be your mom. you came from a mother bird!

this book was not just about finding the baby bird’s mother. but about recognition of self: identity, curiosity, wanting to be witnessed.

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my mom would tell me that it’s ok to ask “are you my mother?” just be careful when answers are given. answers get you stuck. questions give you momentum.

so I asked questions everywhere (and still do!)

at five years old, I asked the woman in front of us in line at the bank “are you my mother?” she turned around and smiled. my mom smiled back to her with embarrassment.

I had questions! the woman in line at the bank didn’t have answers.

Are you my mother?

this book lives inside my brain almost every day (not literally). but the seeking, the need to see myself clearly. the wanting to be witnessed (not for attention or vanity). but for something more primal: the need to feel real.

social media messes with our ontology…with the very sense of what it means to Be. it’s about defining the basic building blocks of reality, what things are, and how they relate to each other (and so much of this is fleeting today).

and maybe that’s the part we don’t talk about:

what is social media doing to our sense of reality. of identity. of Self?

what does it mean to feel real in a world that tells us to perform?

so we post consistently to keep our identity locked in. to share with the world:

this is me!
this is where i came from!
this is what i believe!

when you evolve into a more authentic identity, you initially feel resistance to posting. everything feels heavier. so you sit in the stillness.

growth looks like stillness at first. because we’re addicted to being understood…to stay interpretable to others. any deviation from this script can feel devastating.

and maybe that’s why this children’s book lives inside my brain:

we’re not searching for a mother.
we’re searching for a mirror.

because what i’m really asking is:

are you comforting the version of me that no longer exists?
or are you brave enough to hand me a mirror?

we don’t need more distortions in our relationships, in our business, in our mirrors. we need coherence. we need wavelengths.

I’m not confused by all of my identities. I’m lit up by the multidimensionality of my Being.

because the work isn’t to become one identity.
it’s to become more whole.

growth is not convenient.
but it is more real.

🌺 if this piece stirred something inside of you, please drop your thoughts in the comments. you can also subscribe/share…or buymeacoffee.

💌 or just keep it like a secret love note.

this is the work i do with founders navigating growth, identity, and meaning.

Speak to the Field™ is my guide for how to turn your voice (and inner world) into your best asset.

so I often say no with my whole body:

no to the drink
no to laughing at something that doesn’t feel true
no to being complicit in a world that doesn’t align with my values.

I once turned down an offer to be a reporter in my former life
it was impressive on paper: status. access. proximity to power.

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but I saw that these reporters were paid
to stay quiet about what they were supposed to be reporting
and my whole body said no (despite my ego wanting to say yes).

this job would have impressed people
but i would have accepted a Faustian bargain.

a Faustian bargain is a pact where an individual trades their soul,
morals, or essential values for temporary power, knowledge, wealth,
or worldly pleasure, originating from the German legend of
Dr. Faustus who traded his soul to the devil.

this was an early life lesson for me
in staying true to my values
even if it confuses people.

because now the world is waking up
to the corruptions of our system.

I don’t do unconscious conformity
and my commitment to autonomy
is often not relatable (people just say to take the money and keep my head down).

maybe I missed the memo
but my body knows
when I am selling my soul.

“be yourself” is easy
but only if you
have the backbone
to be misunderstood

Truth has its own frequency
and no one has to agree with it
except you.

i’ve found beauty in not mattering
because I realized that the world is a stage
and it’s designed to keep us numb, dumb, and distracted.

I worked in the belly of the beast at a young age
and witnessed a lot of darkness, evil, corruption
(more on this here).

peop…

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society rewards repetition…often at the expense of Knowing Yourself.

but what if the frequency you’re carrying no longer fits your form?

intuition and embodiment need space to form.

without space, everything feels hollow.

but society makes this impossible; identity is stored outside of us (in archives, memories, people’s expectations).

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you must publish …

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I publish here to take up space.

and yet, a reader once wrote to me:

“please share more of your persona…

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do I trust my inner experience?

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and that’s not easy for me — because my inner experience is weird.

I often experience synchronicities, patterns, symbols, rhythms, contradictions; that’s how my attention organizes itself.

I used to doubt myself and qu…

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she is erotic in her truth —slow. textured. impossible to ignore.
and the wildest part? I almost didn’t see Her.

only half a day in Athens. it was 3pm (2 hours before sunset). she was a 40-minute drive from my airport hotel. a long travel day awaited me the following day. and my nervous system was fried; getting to her felt overwhelming. logically, it didn’t make sense to go.

but there was a pull. a frequency that did not negotiate.

so i hopped in an Uber (not convenient).
19% battery in my iPhone (not convenient).
no battery charger (not convenient).
and no one to rescue me if i got lost or stranded (not convenient x4).

but she whispered…go anyway.

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and standing there, I understood why.
Her energy felt like a cosmic wink.
i could feel her history. i could feel her depth. her paradox:

symmetrical. yet eroded.
collapsed. yet perfect.
in ruins. yet she still breathed.

She (The Parthenon) was built to hold the frequency of wisdom and pattern recognition, Athena Parthenos, “Athena the Virgin.”

Athena was untouchable in her power — not because she was a “virgin” in the literal sense. she was untouchable because:

no one claimed her.
no one diluted her frequency.

she is the archetype of:

• autonomy

• self-trust

• devotion to wisdom over romance

Athena’s purity allowed her access the whole field of consciousness.

but back to my visit to Her…

the light shifted to dusk.
her wild wind softened me, recalibrated my essence.
the city buzzed below.
my breath slowed.
and I could feel a timeline shift deep in my fascia.

and in that moment, a recurring dream resurfaced from when I was a little girl…

my recurring dream (aka nightmare)

I would wake in my childhood bedroom. but it had no doors or windows. just me, inside my pink wallpapered room with The Last Unicorn staring at me (the only poster I wanted on my wall as a kid).

i was trapped in my own frequency, with no stimuli to leave or enter. no one to hear me scream, except the mythic, one-dimensional creature (yes, the irony makes me laugh now).

this recurring dream symbolized a perfectly contained nervous system: a closed-loop consciousness.

standing amid The Parthenon’s frequency, Her Self-Containment, I felt understood across my lineage: past and future. memories and possibility. timelines opening, closed-loops loosening.

and then i laughed…a deep, belly laugh at the truth that bubbled up inside of me.

because i realized how my dream of a room without doors or windows isn’t a room —it’s a bunker. and a bunker is for survival mode when you don’t know how else to stay safe.

it’s self-containment.

so i let that memory have its moment.
i let the darkness move.
i let myself feel it.

because darkness doesn’t always need a name, a label, an address, or a solution.

she just needs to be witnessed.
and mostly she just needs a 19% charge
to get back home to Herself.

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I register everything as an empathic, intuitive, and neurodivergent:
tone, pauses, micro-expressions, energy shifts.

because sensitivities are signals.
even silence has a texture.

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and in this heightened state,
a certain sadness moves through me:
slow, seductive, h…

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structure gives safety to the surrender.
studying gives feelings shape
(to what would otherwise feel like chaos).

the intellect steadies the motion
so the emotion can move through
until the mind quiets
and the body remembers how to ride.

that’s why Mother Ocean is my frequency teacher
she merges thought with sensation
form with flow, control with release.

she’s emotes with presence
she breaks, disappears, returns.
she gives, releases, begins again.

non-attachment is
Her purest intimacy:
to feel everything
and still let it go.
⁣
a poem for Her: ⁣
⁣
thank you, Mother Ocean ⁣
for pummeling me with your fierceness ⁣
and caressing me with your dripping beauty. ⁣
⁣
for causing me to question my strength ⁣
when knocked down into your abyss ⁣
⁣
thank you for your gentle sting⁣
of salt in my wounds ⁣
for you help ⁣
make me feel alive. ⁣
⁣
thank you for watching me ⁣
come undone ⁣
as you hold space between ⁣
your waves ⁣
as I catch my breath
and marvel at your immensity ⁣
⁣
thank you for inviting me ⁣
into your expansion ⁣
as l plunge into your cosmic crest ⁣
and become ⁣
more like you ⁣
every day.

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I want to study you like you’re art
the way an artist studies light
to run my fingers over your shadows
to trace your silence
to watch the light linger on your face.

I want to study you like you’re art
the way a writer studies words
I want to scream your punctuation
even when your sentences end.

I want to study you like you’re art
the way a silhouette hides in half light
to witness your form
to feel your fragments at the edge.

I want to study you like you’re art
to feel your brushstroke
hover over my canvas
as I feel your pulse, your slow hunger
your distance. your devotion.

I want to study you like you’re art
I want to see you without claiming
to feel you without possessing.

I don’t want to own you
I want to walk your dark gallery
to surrender to your becoming
and feel your evolution.

I want to study you like you’re art
the way a thief moves through stillness
slipping between what’s allowed
and what’s alive
part reverence, part risk.

I want study you like you’re art
for the exquisiteness
of what I will never understand.

🫧 subscribe, share, or buy me a coffee (no subscription required).

related pieces:

• the portal is you

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I’ve stopped writing for academia, algorithms, approval.

now I only create in those electric spaces where my intellect meets intuition.

I crave eros — this soft in-between where language exhales.

eros is devotion without a destination — the pulse that threads every creative act. it’s alive. it’s yearning.

and yet they tell you to pick one thing…
as if devotion only exists in a single direction.

but the future doesn’t belong to the specialists.
the future belongs to the bridge builders; the ones who can weave technology with empathy. logic with wonder.

the ones who bring paradox into their craft (and make it look effortless).

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experts build walls. and then create within their self-imposed rules; school teaches you how to format, cite, conclude, prove.

but proof is a cage when you’re truly alive. because aliveness asks for curiosity (not certainty).

this is how to create today — from pulse (not proof).

can you lead with discernment, creativity, and emotional intelligence? can you get clear on the feelings you’re calling in (not just logic)? these are same qualities that turn a product into a brand, and a brand into a legacy.

the thing is, a pulse isn’t always linear: it expands, contracts, pauses. contradicts.

I don’t always know where I’m going.
I often get lost — distracted by the detours, following arrows that point toward the unknown.

I trace them with innocence through side streets, reminding myself that I’m meant to get lost when the maps don’t yet have words.

it’s scary and exciting. exhausting and liberating.

it’s the unfettered freedom of visiting a foreign country where you can’t understand a word —but feel everything.

and it’s okay. because you’re co-existing with burrata, Chianti, chocolate, Truth.

some things need destinations to unfurl.
but feelings?
they just need truth.

feelings need time — to heal, reveal, illuminate what’s real — even when it’s dark.
because winding roads aren’t scary when you can see.

just go slow.

as you step on the gas pedal with wobbly knees and an open heart.
you’re summoning the sun, hoping it’ll still shine on your silence, when you can’t yet find the words.

and then — somehow — you feel its rays.
they glisten on you as you drive toward the light with the top down, looking through the rearview mirror of your midnight doubts.

soon, you’ll know where to go.
even though the map is still being written.
even though you’re still searching for your location.

I’m on an endless search for mine.

and I’ve found that my GPS works best when I love hard.
so I’m loving hard — in side streets that are nameless.
in the rhythms of the wide-open spaces that whisper:

you don’t always need to know where you’re going —
when you follow the signs.

just go slow.

🫧 if this transmission stirred something in your field, subscribe, share, or buy me a coffee (no subscription required).

related pieces:

• i want to study you like you’re art (eros becomes art only when it’s free)

• the portal is you (devotion, unraveling, and the frequency of women who refuse to be tamed)

• when every path is ripe (to live in the tension between naming and not naming)

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it’s lunar.
it waxes and wanes.
it breathes.

her light reminds me how to live
in phases
in presence.

sometimes i forget.

the world rewards the constant, not the cyclical.
it confuses speed with aliveness.

the sun serves commerce.
the moon serves consciousness.

the sun is linear
masculine. productivity-driven.
the moon is n…

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Kundera understood the ultimate paradox: when every path is ripe with possibility, how do we know what deserves our devotion—when everything is so beautifully, terrifyingly light?

that question still haunts me: how lightness can be both liberation and avoidance.
how do we know when to float away, and when to root down?

this is the paradox of life: fleeting, yet we ache for gravity.

founders and creators live inside this infinite ache. we’re asked to stay light while building something that matters.

but lightness isn’t just nimbleness. it’s intelligence. it’s sensitivity. it’s the frequency of consciousness arriving ahead of its time.

lightness is what lets ideas travel: a flicker of thought, a few keystrokes, a signal sent across the ether. our ideas no longer dwell in stone but are coded through energy, attention, and frequency—the new physics of creation.

but lightness comes with a cost. (and this is where the irony compounds.) the more automated and instant everything becomes, the easier it is to forget the profundity that makes us human.

we upload and optimize without feeling the gravity of our own humanness. we lose contact with meaning—the juicy center where creation and consciousness meet.

but what if we remembered?
creation is communion.
our humanity has always been about soul.
business is a bridge between what we dream
and who we’re here to become.

only then does our lightness become bearable.

if this piece moved something in you…a pulsation, a longing, the courage to bite into a messy love…please drop it in the comments, subscribe/pass on…or buymeacoffee.

💌 or just keep it as a secret love note inside your heart.